Dear Roxy

Dear Roxy,

I sit here as I type this letter and watch your breathing. Every breath, a testimonial to the life you've lived. I remember when you came running over to see my son who was then one and a half. You were happy, loving and most of all, chosen. You were chosen to be our beloved addition. You have grown over the years, as have the boys. You have played with them, wrestled with them and at times been a friend to them. You truly love those kids. We have been through much together, from life, love and even separation.

We thought we lost you for good after our awful car accident and you were left behind the scene ... 100's of miles from home, injured. We didn't know how or if we'd ever see you again, or if you were even alive. Thanks to a kind man who found you a week later and back tracked to a vet that would treat your wounds until they found us. We were reunited two weeks after the accident when I felt I was able to travel short distances. You were so happy to see me and licked my face. I broke down crying with relief, joy and hurt for your injuries. You healed, just as I did, in time and we have been inseparable since. The mere thought of losing you AGAIN tears me up! Now, you're 7.5 yrs old, a good age for my girl, but not a graceful age. You have begun to have health issues (seizures, body masses, swollen joints) that have me fearing the loss of you again.

Each night as I lay down to sleep, you come and curl up with me. You keep me warm you make me feel secure and safe. You make me feel loved. I fear that the day is coming near, but I will do what is right by you. I do not want you to suffer. Although, my dear Roxy, I'd want you here with me forever.

I love you!
Mom

My Dobie ..... Roxy ! She's a SICK PUPPY!

2-21-2008

I fear my darling Doberman ….. might have the big C !!! Yes, I mean cancer! She’s developed masses on her body and her joints are swelling! She’s my big baby and I can’t possibly imagine something like this happening to her! I’m so worried for her! I know it sounds weird, but please keep her in your mind …. This is not actually MY dobie! I bought her for my oldest son at Christmas when he was two! She is a great, loving and protective friend. She’s more than a pet …. She’s my girl!

She went to the vet. They said that they strongly believed it's cancer due to her swelling of joints, body masses, appetite changes, stool color and lathargic tendencies. She can't jump into my son's bed ... which she has never been opposed to before. she doesn't want to get out of her bed to go potty. the mases have showed up rather quickly .... between 3-5 days which is quick for it to be anything other than. In order to find out for sure, I will have to undergo about $200 in tests. She's definitely worth it, but dh won't go for it. His take is that for $200 he could just about purchase another purebred dobie pup. I'm so distraught over this and I can't even talk to dh about it. He doesn't want to hear anything about it.

2-23-2008

I finally broke down this morning while petting Roxy (my dobie) and dh asked was I tearing up and why. I told him about her masses, her black poopies (which indicates blood in stool) and her other issues. He genuinely seemed sad. .... Me too!

02-27-2008

OMG!!!! Roxy was laying down on my covers in the middle of the living room. She got up and walked to her house and before she could get there it was like both her back legs went out from under her.... then her front legs because the back two gave out. Her eyes were darting left and right but with nothing there...she was like dazed. She laid there like that for about 1 min (seemed like 5!) but then she game back into focus, eyes settled, and she slowly stood up and went into her house. WTH????? Was that a seizure?????

Sorry, a little freaked out right now!

She even left a little pp puddle. :( Like she was scared or lost control.I'm so worried for her, like she was my own kid. All I can do is love her and be with her until it's time. The last few days since my original post had all been *good* days. I'll be okay for now, but when it comes time ... I might need a shoulder and a xanax.